I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
