Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
