I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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