Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
