you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i drank out of a bidet.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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