I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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