Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
