My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
