bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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