I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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