4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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