You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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