then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
