The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
