Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
FUCK WHALES
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