Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
