sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Text me some of your sweat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
