There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
