I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
