You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
