all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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