My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
