Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
