She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
