i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
