I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
