Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
