Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
