I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
