Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
