Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So squirting runs in the family.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
