in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
