Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
