so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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