last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
