How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
