that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
