i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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