They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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