I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
