A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
