Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
