i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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