I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
