Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
