Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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