Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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