oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
