ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
