hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
