I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
