You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
