did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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