I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
