dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
